No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
