I wanna passion pit in your ass
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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