Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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