Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
try to milk me bitch
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
