This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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