u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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