I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
