Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
