She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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