I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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