apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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