Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
