Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
