Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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