my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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