I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
