she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
