She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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