it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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