she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
