When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
