the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
