I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
