She just used a chaser for red wine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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