dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
