What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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