I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
