WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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