I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
