There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
