You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
