it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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