There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
