Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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