I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
