I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
