As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
