I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
