Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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