Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
