The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
