my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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