If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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