Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
