On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
that's an acceptable place to lick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
