I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
