i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
