just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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