shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
