I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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