all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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