; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
